“And
I saw the river over which every soul must pass
to
reach the kingdom of heaven
and
the name of that river was suffering:
and
I saw a boat which carries souls across the river
and the name of that boat was love.”
St. John of the Cross
A beautiful young friend, Claire, sent me the quote above soon after Amie’s accident. She wrote, “Although the rapids on your river seem unjustly piercing and terrifying, I am praying there are moments when you can feel the sturdiness of your boat....and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.”
The Sunday
morning after the accident seemed surreal and slow-motion. Instead of sitting
in a pew, we were sitting in a tiny sterile waiting room outside the ICU. I turned to
my son-in-law Jay, and said something to the effect that I felt empty. There
was no Rhema* this time.
The moment
I’d heard the news about Katherine’s AVM rupture over 8 years ago, words had
popped into my head. I had no idea what an AVM rupture was. No idea how deadly
and destructive. But as soon as I hung up the phone, strange words appeared: “Talitha
Cumi!”* As I wrote here,
those words were to prove prophetic.
But the
current crisis seemed different. There was a sickening déjà-vu feel to
it all. I felt numb and hopeless after seeing Amie for the first time. Completely overwhelmed.
As I am
wont to do in times of trauma, I played Bible Roulette. The Book opened to
Isaiah 43. As I read these words, I got a chill.
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”
Reading the whole chapter, I felt a
fragile peace descend. He is about to do
something new. (v. 19)
As soon as we were allowed back into the
room with Amie, I heard a ping on my Iphone. Looking down, I read this message
from a particularly wise friend: “Praying fervently for you. Is. 43:2.” Then, out of the almost 800,000 words in the Bible, she'd typed
out the same ones I typed above.
Eureka!
I mean Rhema!
There was my promise.
I mean Rhema!
There was my promise.
I’ve had to cling hard to those words in
the face of rising waves of pain and fear.
Yesterday was a frightening day. I sent
out a plea for mercy prayers on Caringbridge. When we got back to the
apartment, there was a gigantic box waiting at the door. Had I ordered
something from Amazon I’d forgotten about? (That
happens.)
No, it was a box of abundance from a special group of friends. Overflowing with tangible goodies of
every kind, but, more than that, overflowing with things that are ‘exceedingly more that I could have asked or
imagined.’ Love. Support. Solidarity. Compassion. Caring. Mercy.
This is the card that came with it:
Thank God for the gift of friends that
keep us afloat when waters are rough and winds are wild.
Thank God that he calms the storms with a word.
And thank God for the sturdy ship Mercy that safely sails us home.
Thank God that he calms the storms with a word.
And thank God for the sturdy ship Mercy that safely sails us home.
++++++++++++
*The second primary Greek word that describes Scripture is rhema,
which refers to a word that is spoken and means “an utterance.” A rhema is a
verse or portion of Scripture that the Holy Spirit brings to one’s attention
with application to a current situation or need for direction.
**Talitha is an
uncommon feminine name meaning
"little girl" in Aramaic, given in reference to the Biblical story in
the Gospel of Mark in which Jesus Christ was said to have resurrected a dead
child with the words "Talitha cumi" or "Talitha
kum" or "Talitha koum," meaning "Little girl, I say to you, arise!"
(p.s. I had to struggle not to call this one The Love Boat. But I knew I'd get "Nerd-Alerted" by Ames when she's well enough to read!)
(p.s. I had to struggle not to call this one The Love Boat. But I knew I'd get "Nerd-Alerted" by Ames when she's well enough to read!)
6 comments:
I'm drowning a little bit in my own very-minor-compared-to-yours drama right now but I am following closely. I have stayed plugged in to Katherine and Jay's ministry work and reference it often.
I can't fathom a mother going through something like this with two different children. Hell, I can't fathom going through it with one. I never believed the whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" line and find it basically offensive.
I don't understand why this has happened to Amie or why Katherine has experienced the hardship she has. I don't understand. I just don't. I especially don't understand why this has happened to two children of the same mother. The only thing I can think of is "Now we see through a glass darkly but then we shall see face to face."
I know that pain is part of the human condition and I really do believe C.S. Lewis had it right...pain serves to help us understand that this is not the best there is.
Still, I can't wrap my head around it.
I want to write something really spiritual and encouraging and deep, but all I got right now is hugs and love and best wishes for recovery. For the record, that is not to put it on YOU and yours to make me all okay with dealing with another horrible medical crisis. I want to make it better, I can't, and I'm sure you feel the very exact same way.
Love to all of you. We will be watching and praying.
Laurel,
You were such a gift the last time around! I'll never forget the arrival of the 4-leaf clover.
It makes me feel safer that you're along for this ride, too!
I love your honesty!!!
much love, Kim
Although I do not know you personally, I am a follower of your daughter's Hope Heals ministry. i enjoy and am inspired by her blog and new book. i also love your writing! I am a mother of two adult sons and can so relate to your heart and desire to hold onto God through all circumstances. Thank you for sharing and you will never know how many people you touch. Peggy Brown PS A film featuring your daughter was shown during my CBS class at Lake Oconee. Many were unaware of Hope Heals ministry and I was so thrilled to point them to her book and blog. we have about 180 people in our CBS program
Kim, Although I do not know you personally I am a follower of your daughter's Hope Heals ministry. I enjoy and am inspired by her blog and her book. I also love your writing! I am a mother of two adult sons and can so relate to your heart and desire to hold on to God through any and all circumstances. Thank you for sharing, you will never know how many people you touch. Peggy Brown PS My CBS class at Lake Oconee showed a film featuring Kathryn and Jay. Many were unaware of Kathryn's ministry and her story. I was thrilled to point them to her blog and book
Although I do not know you personally, I am a follower of your daughter's Hope Heals ministry. i enjoy and am inspired by her blog and new book. i also love your writing! I am a mother of two adult sons and can so relate to your heart and desire to hold onto God through all circumstances. Thank you for sharing and you will never know how many people you touch. Peggy Brown PS A film featuring your daughter was shown during my CBS class at Lake Oconee. Many were unaware of Hope Heals ministry and I was so thrilled to point them to her book and blog. we have about 180 people in our CBS program
Kim, Although I do not know you personally I am a follower of your daughter's Hope Heals ministry. I enjoy and am inspired by her blog and her book. I also love your writing! I am a mother of two adult sons and can so relate to your heart and desire to hold on to God through any and all circumstances. Thank you for sharing, you will never know how many people you touch. Peggy Brown PS My CBS class at Lake Oconee showed a film featuring Kathryn and Jay. Many were unaware of Kathryn's ministry and her story. I was thrilled to point them to her blog and book
Thank you so much, Peggy!
We greatly appreciate your support!
God bless!
Thank you for your writing...thank you for this post!! I have followed Katherine's story through her book, and a mutual friend is a friend of Amie's...so I feel I know your family a little bit! Just know you're in my prayers.
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