the following was written on January 4. (See previous post to understand why it's being published today.)
Now I'm back in LA after the Seasons Conference. (It was transformational.)
More on that later, GOD WILLING.
In the meantime,
here's Part 2 on Happiness...
(Please read Part 1 here, if you haven't already.)
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| Our Very, Very Imperfect Christmas Mug Shot, 2012. |
Let’s face it, folks:
It’s just NOT the most wonderful time of the year!!
for everybody. Nor the happiest.
I have many friends who
consider Christmas the most difficult time of the year. They speak of “just
trying to get through the holidays.” (I’ve written of my own feelings about it previously. At least I didn’t post any Grinch pictures this year.)
But the “holydays” (??)
are over now. Ours were perfect(ly
imperfect.) There were moments of joy and laughter sprinkled through times of
tears and turmoil. There was drama. There were hugs. There was sadness. Fun. Exhaustion.
Inspiration. Closeness. Chaos.
And there was love. (Which
hopefully covered a vast multitude of sins.)
I’m wiped out. We’ve just
returned from visiting my husband’s family in Florida to face a house still
fully adorned for Christmas. Dead greenery is depressing. I’m going to deal
with it slowly. I will be gentle with myself as I shift into this new year.
Things happened over the holidays that made me
very unhappy.
Perfect!
I thought, after the initial reaction. Now I’ll really be able to test out the new happiness habits. I’ll conduct a
personal experiment.
As I wrote here,
the latest research in the field of Positive Psychology indicates that 40% of
our “Happiness Quotient” is up to us.
(50% is determined by genetic predisposition; only 10% is actually determined
by circumstances.)
I’ve long believed the
maxim that “Happiness depends on what
happens to you, while joy is not dependent on circumstances.” I still
wholeheartedly believe the second part, but I’m not discussing Christian joy here. I’m just talking about plain
old earthly, biochemical happiness. Well-being.
The newsflash is that it turns out that happiness does not depend only on what happens to you, after all. I’m glad to
find that there is truth in the Abe Lincoln quote, “Most people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” (This from a man who suffered from
severe, debilitating depression before there were effective pharmaceuticals!)
So, what are the
“happiness habits” that come up most frequently in research? What intentional
life practices or activities might we adopt or intensify in our pursuit of
happiness?
1.) Pursue
Variety:
Evidently
it is the spice of life. Humans get
stuck in ruts. We tend to adapt to our circumstances and fall into mindless,
habitual ways of doing things. But in order to break the “hedonic treadmill,”*
it’s important to ‘mix it up.’ Vary what we do and how we do it. We need to
expose ourselves to new and different experiences in order to keep those brain
chemicals hopping. It can be something as simple as running (walking!) your
usual path in the opposite direction. Trying to write with your left hand if
you’re right-handed. Going to a strange new restaurant, studying a new language,
traveling to a place you’ve never been, listening to a different genre of
music. We human beings need to change, grow, and continue to be shaped by new
experiences throughout our lifespan.
2.)
Exercise:
Trust
me. This isn’t my favorite part. I do it because I have to. I developed
osteoporosis, degenerative disk disease, arthritis, and fibromyalgia before
menopause. (And I have scoliosis.) It’s genetic. So unless I want to undergo 6
or 8 spinal surgeries, as my father did, I have to hit the gym a couple of
times a week. I don’t love it, and I rarely get any kind of exercise “high.”
But here’s the thing: the research shows that we lose dopamine synapses as we
age. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is commonly
associated with the reward system
of the brain. It affects emotions, movement, and sensations of pleasure and
pain. Low dopamine levels are
associated with depression. Exercise increases dopamine concentration and the
number of dopamine receptors as well. So we need to get out there and move it!
In a variety of different ways… two
birds with one stone.
3.) Get “In
The Flow”:
‘Flow’
is the enjoyment derived from being engaged in an
activity that is challenging, but not frustratingly so. It’s an activity so
intensely fulfilling that you forget yourself in the process, yet experience a
sense of well-being and excitement when the goal is finally reached. Of course,
experiencing “flow,” or being “in the zone” means different things for
different people. Some might experience it while gardening or knitting. Some
from cooking or cleaning. Try to think of times you’ve experienced the
sensation. I have felt it when I’m teaching. Sometimes I experience it when I’m
writing. (I’ll think a few minutes have gone by, but it’s been an hour.) I feel
it when I’m behind the wheel of a boat. When I’m serving others in a new way.
I’ve felt it when I’ve pushed myself to do a sports activity that’s outside of
my comfort zone, such as horseback riding or water skiing. I love that feeling
of being so in the moment that you
lose all sense of self-consciousness. Bliss.
4.) Set Goals:
According to Dr. Cloud, happy
people set and reach goals. They have a plan. Of course, things don’t always
turn out as planned. But it is psychologically rewarding for human beings to
establish reasonable goals and
attempt to accomplish them. Dr. Cloud reminded us that God has created us to be
purposeful creatures. We are created in the image of the Creator Himself, who
imagines things that don’t exist and brings them into reality. We have this
nature within us. It requires vision and tenacity to live a life of purpose.
Because of my health issues and life circumstances, I’ve learned to set little
baby goals. The years of carrying around a legal-pad-sized To-Do list are long gone. For instance, my goal for the
day could be working out. Or going to the grocery store. Reaching out to a
friend who’s hurting. Today, it’s to finish writing this blog post, by golly!**
Anything I accomplish over and above the primary goal is gravy. (Of course, it’s also critical to set long-term lifetime
goals. I do this, and then pray If it’s Your will, please help it come to pass.) Who
knows? Maybe I’ll write that book one day.
5.) Connect:
“It is not good for man to be alone.” (God.) “Or
woman.” (Kim.)
We are created to be in
community. Social interaction is programmed to be intrinsically rewarding to
humans. We need connectedness with other people in order to survive and thrive.
As Dr. Cloud stated, “Happy people connect
in a way of exchange. Relationships create transformational experiences. We
need life to flow into us. There’s no such thing as a “self-made man.”” A
sense of community focus makes people happier. We need to be a part of
something bigger than ourselves. To care about others as much as we care about us. The dopamine release from cooperating rather than competing with other humans is “just as
good as drugs,” according to researchers interviewed on the Happy movie. Ironically, depression
creates a cycle of isolation. The more depressed (and/or stressed) a person
feels, the less likely he is to connect. (“I
don’t want to inflict myself on anyone when I’m like this.) That is the
time to push yourself out there. Pick up the phone. Neuroscience reveals that
isolation actually suppresses the immune system. We don’t want to be sad AND
sick, do we? Not moi.
6.) Give:
This one is huge. If I
make only one change this year, I hope and pray that it will be to
become more giving. It is astonishing what the act of giving does to
both brain and body. Studies have shown that an act of intentional compassion
causes brain waves to come on fire. The left prefrontal cortex lights up. There
is a change in the gross structure of brain. God wired us to be givers, in
imitation of the Ultimate Giver. I think it is actually our ultimate purpose:
to give from the store of whatever we’ve been given. Random acts of kindness
are the most effective in firing up the happy hormones… when there is
absolutely no expectation of reward or recognition. Dr. Cloud shared that the
amount of dopamine released in the act of giving is the same as in food or sex.
Wow. Putting change in a stranger’s
expired meter might save you a pound or two! Let’s try it. Seriously, we all
have something to give… whether it’s money, time, a kind word, a shoulder to
cry on. A smile. As Dostoyevsky said, “If
all you have is an onion, then give an onion!”
7.)
Count Your Blessings:
This one is so
trite. And so very, very, very true.
Sad to say, enumerating
my blessings is not usually my first impulse. It is a spiritual discipline that
must be developed by repetition until the muscle grows. Ann Voskamp has been
hugely influential in my thoughts on this. She also experienced a terrible
tragedy as a child. As in my case, it changed the colors of her world growing
up. Shades of gray and black might waft in at any moment, like a trail of dense
smoke in a Carolina blue sky. A spirit of fear… actually, a spirit of dread… could invade the merriest day
without warning.
As an adult, she has (she and God have) unlocked the secret of
being thankful in all circumstances. The practice of eucharisteo is setting her free. I gave myself her One Thousand Gifts Devotional book for
Christmas. The practice of writing it down in black and white is bearing rich
fruit. (If you haven’t read the original book, put it on your bucket list.)
To see the effects that
gratitude has on the brain, please click here:
(I’m getting tired of
writing.)
Okay,
so wind it up, Mama!
I wonder: Why
are Americans so unhappy when we have so much?
We live in a sick society that increasingly
emphasizes self-aggrandizement. I fear for this generation of First World
children, growing up in a world of burgeoning social media self-promotion. It’s
all about image: “Look at Me! Notice Me!
Envy Me!!!” On Facebook.
Twitter. Myspace. Instagram. YOUtube. Facetime. Whatever-they-come up-with-next-week-as-a-vehicle-by-which-to-display-yourself-to-the-world.
Stagnating self-absorption is toxic. Yet so many of
us are unable to see beyond the tip of our own noses. Difficult life
circumstances, daily stresses, hard adversities may keep us so focused on
survival that we forget to really live.
Pursuit of happiness not wrong; it’s just that we
think the wrong things will make us happy. We pursue the things that don’t
satisfy… accumulating more and more of them until we drown in them. Yet still we feel empty.
This new information on the Neuroscience of
Happiness is useful to me. We are not merely victims of either genetics or
circumstances. We have a choice to pursue the things that will make us truly happy.
And, of course, they are not things.
Because we are all interconnected, I believe we
have a responsibility to others to practice
the cultivation of happiness. There are skills we can develop that can help us
to restructure our lives into new patterns. I believe that change is possible
at any age. (Even mine!)
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. But I’m
putting Being Happier at the top of
my rather flexible To-Do list. Although there’s no rigid formula for developing
new Happiness Habits, these are some of the things I’m going to chant to myself
in days to come:
Get
out of your box. Get out of the house. Get out of yourself. (Get over yourself.) Get involved,
engaged, connected. Make a difference. Pursue your dreams. Work hard. Play
hard. Love hard. Learn hard. Give extravagantly. Choose a different path. Try
something new. Transcend. Expand. Open. Appreciate.
Live.
Really
live.
Abundantly.
hmmm.
Don’t you just love it when modern science “discovers”
what God’s words have told us all along?
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I'm fascinated by this idea of "Flow." Have any of you experienced it? If so, how?
"Give up yourself, and you will find your real self."
C. S. Lewis
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